'THAT' feeling...

You know the one. The one you wake up with some mornings - it’s like a weight you can’t shake - so you’d rather just stay in bed. Some people refer to it as depression, feeling ‘off’, sad, and I think the most common: LONELINESS. 

You know, I had a revelation of that feeling once. I had just walked through a dark time in life where it was my constant companion - however - I was able to attribute it to my life circumstances at the time. During this season, I let myself be what I needed to be. Some days that was sad, some it was ‘okay’, so I was totally happy even though others didn’t think I should be. Regardless, that feeling was with me when I woke up nearly everyday reminding me of the loss and grief I was walking through.

I pushed through that season and came out the other side. A number of months later, I found myself living in a new beautiful city, with a new wonderful job and a new exciting relationship. This guy I was dating, even though it ended up only being a short dating relationship, was someone I simply enjoyed being around & ‘doing life’ with. We didn’t have to be doing anything - we just enjoyed each other’s company.

Here is where the revelation comes in:

One normal day, after work, he came over for dinner and we were just having a chill evening. As we were sitting on the couch beside each other having a good conversation, I suddenly felt that feeling creep in.

I was so confused. I thought that feeling was loneliness, but I wasn’t lonely. It was then that I realized while walking through my dark time, these were the moments I would run to Jesus. When I felt low, I would turn on worship music, let myself sit or lay down and just be in God’s Presence. It was this and this only that would fill that ‘void’ or whatever that feeling was.

Revelation: that feeling is actually our hunger for something much bigger than us. It is our hunger to be filled and fed by the Holy Spirit and by the Word of God alone. 

In that moment I realized all I wanted to do what go lay on my bed, turn on some worship music and let the love of Jesus wash over me. This may sound a bit funny, but honestly, this is it for me. These moments are probably avoided by most because they often result in tears or understanding of things in our life that need to change. But you know what? If we keep filling this void with distraction - thinking that is the ‘fix’ - the exhaustion is going to catch up with us. Versus, if you face the ‘dark’, you invite the Holy Spirit in, His sweet presence comes, engulfs you and provides you with the most beautiful comfort you’ve ever experienced - falling into rest in the arms of Jesus.

So try it! Next time you feel that weird heaviness/darkness/loneliness/depression - instead of turning on Netflix. Run to Jesus. Open yourself up fully and only to Him and watch as he starts this beautiful process of restoration in your life.

*disclaimer: when I speak of ‘depression’, I do not mean in the clinical sense. I am referring to a feeling of sadness that might be felt on occasion, which I know is not mental state of Depression or even a chronic emotional state. In these situations, yes, Jesus is here for you, but please speak to someone who can provide you with further support and help such as a doctor or a therapist. If you need any help with this, we are also here for you!