Dating Advice


Someone asked me yesterday for dating advice. I started to form an answer in my head to do with conducting yourself on a date or asking someone out, and then realized that actually isn’t my best advice. {Disclaimer: I am NOT an expert… just sharing from experience and opinion. Take it or leave it but I would LOVE you to share your feedback/experience/opinions in the comments if you wish}.

I have dated a bit and learned something new with each experience. I wanted to pull from that - what had I learned? The thing that I can speak as the common factor through all of them, was confidence. It had been commented on more than a few times by different people, but I don’t think I fully grasped this until my latest relationship (the one I’d like to say make me feel like I’ve finally ‘got it right’ or ‘it’s supposed to be like this’).

The last few years of my life have included me learning more abut myself, who I am, and what I have to offer, than the rest of my life combined. That has resulted in a lack of needing to be validated by others, which in turn, results in minimal ‘need’ for a relationship.

So my advice? Be you! If you don’t know what that means yet, it means you still have more to learn about yourself. Confidence doesn’t mean rejection won’t hurt, but it does mean that you can come to terms more quickly with it realizing that they don’t deserve your fabulous self anyway. What you have to offer will be accepted and appreciated by those who need it - who will appreciate it.

I’ve heard from more than a few men that nothing is more attractive than a confident woman. They became naturally attracted to you and will gravitate toward you. So THAT is my dating advice.

It doesn’t mean not continually learning about yourself or questioning your life plan - it just means owning who you are, the season(s) you endure and realizing that your worth is not based on anyone else’s opinion.

It also doesn’t mean not taking a leap and asking someone out. Girl! Go for it! As long as if they say no, you think ‘meh - they’re loss…’ and move along knowing there must be better out there.

Don’t waste your amazingness on those who won’t value it.

So, if you’re out there, looking for a mate, I encourage you to lean into the season. Yes, I am ALL for putting yourself out there and initiating conversations or meet ups, but before you do that, make sure that your motivation isn’t seeking validation of who you are. I swear, people can smell that and won’t buy in. The pressure is higher if dating you comes with the power and responsibility of confirming your identity. People don’t dive headfirst into higher pressure situations - they turn the other direction.

Who are you, girl (or boy)? What do you have to offer the world? If you’re not certain yet, I encourage you to pray about it if you have Faith in God. Ask Him to help reveal these things to you. I won’t lie, it did take about 3 years of searching and praying for me to finally figure out ‘my purpose’. It wasn’t instant. Once I did, I realized that this answer was for a season and I had to be prepared for it to change at a later date.

Stop worrying about ‘how to attract men’ and start focusing on ‘what do I have to offer this world? What are my strengths? How can I accept my weaknesses better?’ The world will start to naturally be drawn to you.